Miss L's 3rd Birthday

I had grand plans for the weekend of Miss L's birthday.  On Saturday, we were going to the mall to see one of her friends from church play some Christmas music in the with her dad. Then that evening we would head to the train park and let her ride the train through the light display.  Sunday, we would go to church and have a light lunch with family.  Then after naps we would do Miss L's favorite meal of chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, and broccoli salad (she like the dried cranberries).  The evening of celebration would be concluded with cake and presents.

Yeah.  None of that happened.  And the few things that did happen were not how we originally thought they would go.  HA!

Obviously, I had a baby that weekend instead.

Plan B.

Unfortunately, no one made it to church.  The whole family had a light lunch and cake.  More than ever I was glad that we ordered a cake rather than me trying to make one.  Miss L was delighted with Angelina Ballerina.  Thankfully, Miss L cannot read right now or she would have noticed that her name was misspelled on the side of the cake.  Two L's instead of one.  Oh well.  It still was yummy!  Then after all the excitement the girls took naps.

After naps everyone came down to the hospital.  This is when the Miss L and Miss A got their first glimpse of Miss S.  Then we headed down to my hospital room to really party it up and open Miss L's presents.  It was a fun time.  The nurses got a kick out of my little caravan.  Miss L told them about her sister and that it was her birthday.  It was pretty cute.  Miss L thought my bed was pretty fun and quickly discovered that the back of my bed produced presents.  Once we were done opening them she kept looking back there to see if more had magically appeared.

After all was said an done it was getting close to dinner time.  Honestly is was hard to see everyone leave that evening.  My oldest was turning three and my youngest had just entered the world.  It was a little surreal.  I think my heart was just ready for us all to be together under one roof.

I think it's a birthday party that I will definitely remember.

Things You Don't Say In the NICU

This is not a "in general" kind of post.  Well.  Maybe it sort of is for some in  general purposes.

Let me preface.

The NICU that we were in was fabulous.  This NICU is unlike some others in that each baby has their own room (I could have slept there had I wanted) so I only interacted with the nurses and the doctors that stopped by to care for Miss S.  Loved the doctors and most of the nurses.  I really don't like that I didn't love all the nurses -- I think it has something to do with the fact that many of my friends are nurses in all sorts of healthcare capacities.  Some just rubbed me the wrong way and I was generally pretty happy when their time with us was over.  I didn't like having that feeling but that is raw and honest.

So, here are two things you don't say in the NICU...to a new mama.  Just don't do it.

Many that have walked the road of motherhood with me know that I have had a difficult time nursing.  I am committed to breastfeeding my babies as long as I can without losing my sanity.  It's a hard road to hoe for me but I made it to six months with Miss L and Miss A.  I had already been pumping in the hospital and trekking down to the NICU with my, literally, drop or two of nourishment.  I was discouraged.  If I produced next to nothing I didn't bring it down (another nurse would be encouraging and say bring even the drops!) and felt like this was useless and I was facing another major obstacle.

Not knowing the battle I was fighting, or that I had fought this battle twice before, curtly informed me that consistency was the key to making milk.  For most, it's no big deal.  I think she made it because of the lack of breast milk that I was bringing down.  However, she didn't know that I was in my room every couple of hours doing exactly what the lactation consultants told me to be doing.  Only going a little longer between times at night so I could get some sleep.  Husband knew this struck a very hurtful cord with me and he tried to help me keep it under control.  My postpartum hormones got the best of me.

I cried.

Hard.

If this had been my first baby and knew nothing of breastfeeding that would have been one thing.  However, this was number three... I get it.

On the upside, she apologized and was a little more sensitive to my emotional state.  She was our day nurse again the second day.  I was not thrilled.  However, day two was MUCH better than day one.

End Scene One.


Begin Scene Two.


A conversation with a night nurse started out well enough.  She started asking questions and the question that I got often, "Do you have other children?"

"Yes, two girls"

"Really?  What are their ages?"

I smile because I know what the reaction will probably be, "My oldest turns three this weekend and my second is almost 16 months."

"Really?  Wow, that's really close.  You must be busy!"

I tired to be on top of it enough that I see it as my cup runneth over!  Hands full of blessings!  However, this nurse said, "I have a 5 year-old and a 10-month-old at home.  I still think it's hard with the spread but I am glad that I can give each one the attention they deserve."

Awesome.  Thanks.

Basically, you just told me that I am not giving each child the attention she deserves.  Not exactly what I need to hear as I am thinking through how to balance time at home once I am discharged and time here with Miss S.

I responded in kindness with the positive sides of them being so close.  It was probably lost on her but that's okay.  I love how the Lord ordained each little life for us.  Busy?  Yes.  Trade it? No.

The Birth of Miss S - Part 2

You can read part one here.

We had already called Mom C to pack a bag and come over to the house.  I was in so much pain at this point I was ready for drugs and I made that known (nicely) to Husband.  However, I said, "We need to go NOW."  I was pretty sure this baby was going to be born in the car.  Mom C had yet to arrive.  I told Husband I didn't care we need to go.  He calmly said we couldn't just leave the girls even though they were fast asleep.  So, we waited in the van (I in the "trunk" area) until she was close by.  We passed by her on the way out and we were off.  My contractions seemed to slow down just a little but were still rather intense.  It was during this time that I wished our hospital wasn't quite so far away (20 minutes at regular speed...ahem)  Later I would be ever so glad that we were at this particular hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital around 11:10 PM the registration desk looked so far away.  No wheel chairs were close by and even if there had been one to use it may have been to painful to sit for very long.  To say that they processed me into triage quickly would be an understatement.  My one "Are you kidding me?" moment was when I walked back there they wanted to weigh me.  For real?  Of course I had a contraction while on the scale.  Anyway.  I get to my little bed, they check me... 7 cm and fully effaced.  I hear the nurse bark some commands about a room NOW and she didn't care where it was.  During this time I am telling them I want drugs.  They can't do anything for me yet because I hadn't had an IV.  Less than five minutes later I find myself in a L & D room with people zooming all around.  The resident checks me.  10 cm and fully effaced.  WHAT?!?!  I still want drugs people.  "Nope." They inform me, "You are having this baby naturally."  I laugh.

I push.

I cry yell.

I am NOT having this baby naturally.  I can barely control this pain unlike anything I ever felt.  My contractions slowed down a bit.  I think it was because there was a whole crew of people from the NICU in there because she was coming before 37 weeks.  Finally, my doctor says she's going to check something and it's going to hurt.  Um.  Yeah. Understatement.  I'm pretty sure I almost kicked her at that point.  I wasn't fully dilated after all.  When they checked me the second time Miss S was pushing down so hard that my water bag was bulging.  After they broke it something happened and a forebag was created hiding the last bit of cervix that needed to disappear.  That actually bought me some time to have an epidural.  YEAH!

It was just enough to take the edge off.  I still feel the contractions (there would be no sleeping through labor like I did with Miss A) and I knew she would be making her grand appearance soon.  They told me to let them know if I felt like pushing or the pressure increased.  It wasn't long after the epidural was in that I told them that things were changing.  They said the doctor was called to emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy and would come as soon as she was done.  They moved me into a more upright position to help get Miss S into position.  So, while I wait for the doctor each time I feel contractions... I push (not very hard.)  The doctor came back about 2 hours after I got my epidural and said lets see how you are doing.  They check and we are a 100% go this time around.  I steady myself for a possible hour of pushing (which is what I did with Miss A) -- to my great surprise 5 pushes and out she came!  It was now 2:31 AM, December 10 -- 6 1/2 hours -- about half the length of my last labor.  Once again they could not put my little bundle on my chest because she, too, had a short cord like Miss A.  Odd.  Miss S let out a little cry and once Husband cut the cord they whisked her over to be evaluated.

It was a long time.  All was quiet over there.  A little too quiet.  I called over to Husband but I don't think he heard me.  Finally, a nurse came and told me that little Miss S was having a hard time breathing and they were taking her to the NICU.  They let me touch her and see her for about two minutes and they were gone.  Husband went with her.  I remember crying and telling Husband, "I'm sorry."  I was sorry I couldn't keep her in longer.  While I know now there was nothing I could do, in that moment it felt like my fault.  I should have been able to keep her safe inside a little bit longer.  Our other girls had been early and no problems.  I naively thought she would be fine, too.

When all was said and done I was able to go down to the NICU (A branch of Phoenix Children's NICU - one of the best - is located on the same floor as L & D in this hospital) for about 20 minutes to see Miss S before I had to check in my room and with the nurses there.  Thankfully, Husband had already shown me pictures of what she looked like otherwise I think I would have just lost it with all the wires and tubes attached to her.

Miss S had a CPAP machine on her to force air in her lungs and cause them to really open up.  Gosh she did not like that thing.  Nurses called her, "feisty."  She also has a small tube that went down into her stomach to pull out stuff that may accumulate there as a by product of the CPAP and give her small amounts of nourishment.  They also wanted to be able to tell if she was digesting things well (which she wasn't for awhile because she was working so hard on breathing.)  She had an IV that was giving her some medicine that she needed and other nourishment.  Then there were all the "normal" wires for any baby in the NICU that check heart rate, breathing, and oxygen saturation.  It was pretty intense for me and my baby was not the sickest baby in NICU.  I couldn't even being to imagine what other mama's were experiencing.

So, now began my days of working on getting my milk to come in to help nourish Miss S while she was in there and not allowed to work on sucking.  Too much for her system to process.  This seemed like a daunting task as well given my not so great history in overall milk production.  Trips down to the NICU.  Healing. Checking in with my nurses from time to time.  Rest. Miss S made great progress -- breathing, then eating, some jaundice curbed.  I was discharged from the hospital on Monday (an interesting balance between time with Miss L and Miss A and being at the hospital) and Miss S finally was able to come home on Thursday evening.

She's doing better and seems to be thriving.  We are adjusting to being a family of five and thanking the Lord foe each sweet blessing and the extravagant love He shows to us through each one.

More thoughts and side stories of the NICU in the coming days/weeks.

The Birth of Miss S - Part 1

Well, our third little bundle made a rather unexpected early arrival on December 10 -- just two days beyond the 36 week mark.  Miss S arrived at 2:31 AM weighing in at 5lbs 15oz and 19 inches long.

We have an interesting story with her for sure.

At the 35 week mark I noticed contractions that were consistent and when I finally really paid attention to them I realized they were in a pattern but not really increasing in strength.  Just the same my doctor wanted me to go in to be monitored for awhile.  To make this part of the story a bit shorter they concluded that I was having contractions that went from 10 minutes apart to about 3-5 minutes apart.  However, they were not growing in intensity.  I could still talk through them, etc.  They decided to give me a shot of terbutaline to make them stop.  It worked.  I didn't realize how much I was contracting until they stopped.  We prayed that baby girl would stay put for a couple of more weeks.

So, we just kept going, going, going for another week and a half.

On December 9, I had my 36 week appointment with my OB where she asked if I wanted to be "checked" or "left alone."  Husband and I were both pretty sure that I had dilated a bit more than when I was in the hospital and we had a bet going as to how far along I was.  I said I was maybe three centimeters and Husband said for sure four.  Well, let me just say that Husband won the bet and I owe him dinner.  My doctor said a solid four and maybe more. In God's providence, we decided not to go to our church's Christmas party and had dinner with some dear friends that were back in the Valley for the winter months.  Just before dinner (6:30 PM) I pulled Husband aside to let him know that I was having contractions.  They were not Braxton Hicks, I had only had a couple, and they didn't seem to be a big deal.  During dinner I had a few more but I didn't really think too much of them.  After dinner Mrs. B and I sat in the living room to watch Miss L and Miss A play and chat.  During that time my contractions became a bit more intense.  I tried to hide what was going on but there was one contraction where I had to look at the ceiling and really think through what I was saying.  In the midst of our girls letting us know that they were tired and ready to go home I confessed that my contractions were getting stronger and we should probably go (around 8:00 PM)  We joked about how Miss S could make an appearance tonight.  We also laughed that maybe it's Italian food makes me go into labor as that is what I had just before Miss A was born.  However, my thought at the time was I should just get a lot of water in me and lay down and they will disappear.  Yep, that's what I thought.

On the way home I really had to concentrate through contractions.  When I would do my controlled breathing Miss L thought that I was pretending to be asleep and she would chime in from the back seat, "Wake up, Mama, wake up!!"  It's hard to do controlled breathing when you are laughing and trying to explain that you are not, in fact, asleep.  The contractions were coming more frequently by the time we got home.  We made the call to my mother-in-law to pack a bag and be ready to come.  In the mean time, Husband and I got the girls ready for bed.  Miss L really wanted more help from me than normal on this particular night and I had to stop in the middle of the routine for a really intense contraction.  I didn't do anything to freak her out but I think at that point she realized something was "wrong" with Mommy and she started pulling out all of her stalling cards.  Husband ran interference and she finally settled down and went to sleep.  I guzzled down a LOT of water and laid down.

If anything, the contractions got stronger and faster.

This Is The Day

When you saw the title did the song go running through your head?

Several months ago when this song would be stuck in my head because we generally sing it at the preschool co-op that we attend it would drive me utterly bananas. BA.NA.NAS.  Miss L generally wants to sing it and Miss A grasps that when we sing this song we clap along.  To say the least, it is sung often around here.  I know that it is Scriptural and all...  but the repetition was wearing on me.  I think the Lord knew that I would need the repetition...

...to learn something.

The song now has a deep and sentimental meaning to me.  The Lord used the preschool song to minister to my heart during a time when I needed to be reminded that He was really in control.

When I was finally able to hold Miss S for the first time in the NICU the nurse said to make sure to talk to her about whatever or to sing to her.  We like to sing around here.  My husband is a wonderful singer... I, on the other hand, have a hard time carrying a tune on a silver plate.  But that doesn't generally stop me and I do have my moments of actually singing well.  Anyway.  Sing?  The first thing that came to mind was, This is the Day.  So, I started singing it to her and realized the deep theology (and extravagant LOVE) that was being imparted to me at that moment.  I choked through the rest of the words as I realized my own personal struggles with the current situation this was indeed the day that the Lord had made, had given to me, and I would rejoice in Him, that my baby was alive... I would choose to be glad.

That became our mantra of sorts.  I sang that song each morning that I came in to see Miss S and it really helped me to gain perspective on the day.  Our pastor came to visit one afternoon and I shared with him how the Lord had used this simple song to show Himself to me.  It felt childish in some way but so very significant in another.  You know... I was okay with that.

I realized the other day that I had stopped singing this song to Miss S when we got home.  I shall have to remedy that.

52 Weeks To An Organized Home

I have a newborn.

I don't really need to take on any additional challenges in life right now.

However, my household still needs to function and it needs help in some areas.  But I also need discipline and training in what needs to happen in different areas.

I happened upon this website through Pinterest.  I decided to check it out.  AH!  It looks like something that I can handle at my own pace.  I can do what I can handle and if I miss a week... well, that's just fine.  I like that the woman behind this is very relaxed with a "jump in where we are" attitude.  I also just like the idea of purging things at this point in time.  Unload things that I haven't used in five years (or more).  There are people that would like to have or need these things more than I need to keep them in my closet, cabinet, or garage...you know...just in case.  If just in case hasn't happened by now then I don't think I need to worry about it much.

However, what I have loved most about searching though this site is all her stuff on organizing Christmas items. We are on ornament overload and we need pare down.  With some ornaments they just need to be set aside in another box and hang out until our girls leave to keep their own households and take their collections with them.  I just don't want to have to pull all of them out each year, sort through all of them as to what should go on the tree, and then put them all away.  I just want to pull out what we want each year.

So, the challenge began yesterday with kitchen counters and the kitchen sink.  It was the perfect place to start. This week's challenge ties into the next several weeks.  I am already thinking about things that need to be removed from our cabinets so I can make room for occasionally used items that are camping out on my counter.

Needless to say, there are things that will find their way to Goodwill.  I don't want them to hang around for a garage sale.  It just won't happen.

So, I have a good portion or motivation these days.  I hope it continues.  However, I need to heed my husband not to overdo it.  Because... you know.. I did yesterday!

I will post here with challenge progress as I think that I can do them.  Hopefully, I will remember to post photos.  Even if the before pictures are ridiculously embarrassing.

Sisterly Love

I am working on the birth story of Miss S -- it's taking me a little longer than I expected.  I may post in two parts.  We will see.  However, there are other parts of Miss S's (is that right?) arrival that I also wanted to make sure that I wrote down somewhere.

For those that don't know the story, here's a spoiler... Miss S had to spend 5 days in the NICU.  No big deal in the grand scheme of things.  A big deal when you are in the midst of it all.

Miss S arrived the day before Miss L's third birthday.  It kind of threw a wrench in some plans but what can you do?  (There will be a separate post on Miss L's birthday).  Anyway, we had been prepared mentally that the girls would not be able to come and see Miss S in the hospital or even me for that matter.  However, much to our sweet surprise not only were they able to come and see me they were also able to go see Miss S as long as they had not been sick in the last two weeks and did not currently have a fever.  We were good to go!!

Of course, our girls provided some sweet moments when they saw Miss S for the first time.  We were thankful at this point that Miss S had been taken off the CPAP machine that was helping her breathe and force her lungs to work a bit better.  It may have been too scary for them prior to that.

Miss L was excited to see Miss S and was excited to finally see her new sister.  However, when the nurse came in the room (and to anyone she would see after that) she informed her that her sister "is in a box."  It was pretty funny how matter-of-fact she was about Miss S living in a box.  I think she thought that she would always be in that box.

We were never sure how much Miss A understood the whole situation or that this baby would be coming home with us.  When she first saw Miss S she said, "Baby!"  Sweet girl.  She looked and kept saying, "Baby!"  Then finally she put her hand on the "box" and gave Miss S a kiss through the plastic.  It was the sweetest thing ever.