Today he would have been 73...

I probably won't write something every birthday that rolls around.  But it's the first one.  It seems significant.  At this point last year we had no idea that Papa was sick.  He was in a little pain but we chalked it up to his recent back surgery that was taking longer to recover from than we thought it would.  Over this weekend last year we took the girls to a pumpkin patch north of our home a bit. My dad told   Its to go and have fun and that we would celebrate when we all got home.  I think he secretly wanted the house to himself for a couple of days because he knew that we would be spending the night up north, too.

This year I am missing him.  He used to want to ignore his birthday but I didn't.  I love birthdays.  I don't go all out but I like doing at least something.  This year we mark the day in our hearts, tears are shed, and we take another step forward.

Miss A and I went out to his grave last week to put some flowers. Fall, I think, was his favorite season.  Mostly because it then signified in his mind hunting season.  Because really, let's face it, that was his favorite season. HA!  Miss A helped me clear off his marker and while I cried she was quiet and as we left she just held my hand.  Then in her innocence she asked if she could pick some flowers.  I asked her where she wanted to pick flowers.  She pointed at all the other markers with flowers. It helped to lighten the mood.  Miss A and my dad had a special bond.  Little things that she still remembers that he would do for her at the breakfast table.  When my dad was in hospice she would climb up on his bed and cuddle with him.

Miss L's 3rd Birthday

I had grand plans for the weekend of Miss L's birthday.  On Saturday, we were going to the mall to see one of her friends from church play some Christmas music in the with her dad. Then that evening we would head to the train park and let her ride the train through the light display.  Sunday, we would go to church and have a light lunch with family.  Then after naps we would do Miss L's favorite meal of chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, and broccoli salad (she like the dried cranberries).  The evening of celebration would be concluded with cake and presents.

Yeah.  None of that happened.  And the few things that did happen were not how we originally thought they would go.  HA!

Obviously, I had a baby that weekend instead.

Plan B.

Unfortunately, no one made it to church.  The whole family had a light lunch and cake.  More than ever I was glad that we ordered a cake rather than me trying to make one.  Miss L was delighted with Angelina Ballerina.  Thankfully, Miss L cannot read right now or she would have noticed that her name was misspelled on the side of the cake.  Two L's instead of one.  Oh well.  It still was yummy!  Then after all the excitement the girls took naps.

After naps everyone came down to the hospital.  This is when the Miss L and Miss A got their first glimpse of Miss S.  Then we headed down to my hospital room to really party it up and open Miss L's presents.  It was a fun time.  The nurses got a kick out of my little caravan.  Miss L told them about her sister and that it was her birthday.  It was pretty cute.  Miss L thought my bed was pretty fun and quickly discovered that the back of my bed produced presents.  Once we were done opening them she kept looking back there to see if more had magically appeared.

After all was said an done it was getting close to dinner time.  Honestly is was hard to see everyone leave that evening.  My oldest was turning three and my youngest had just entered the world.  It was a little surreal.  I think my heart was just ready for us all to be together under one roof.

I think it's a birthday party that I will definitely remember.

The Birth of Miss S - Part 2

You can read part one here.

We had already called Mom C to pack a bag and come over to the house.  I was in so much pain at this point I was ready for drugs and I made that known (nicely) to Husband.  However, I said, "We need to go NOW."  I was pretty sure this baby was going to be born in the car.  Mom C had yet to arrive.  I told Husband I didn't care we need to go.  He calmly said we couldn't just leave the girls even though they were fast asleep.  So, we waited in the van (I in the "trunk" area) until she was close by.  We passed by her on the way out and we were off.  My contractions seemed to slow down just a little but were still rather intense.  It was during this time that I wished our hospital wasn't quite so far away (20 minutes at regular speed...ahem)  Later I would be ever so glad that we were at this particular hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital around 11:10 PM the registration desk looked so far away.  No wheel chairs were close by and even if there had been one to use it may have been to painful to sit for very long.  To say that they processed me into triage quickly would be an understatement.  My one "Are you kidding me?" moment was when I walked back there they wanted to weigh me.  For real?  Of course I had a contraction while on the scale.  Anyway.  I get to my little bed, they check me... 7 cm and fully effaced.  I hear the nurse bark some commands about a room NOW and she didn't care where it was.  During this time I am telling them I want drugs.  They can't do anything for me yet because I hadn't had an IV.  Less than five minutes later I find myself in a L & D room with people zooming all around.  The resident checks me.  10 cm and fully effaced.  WHAT?!?!  I still want drugs people.  "Nope." They inform me, "You are having this baby naturally."  I laugh.

I push.

I cry yell.

I am NOT having this baby naturally.  I can barely control this pain unlike anything I ever felt.  My contractions slowed down a bit.  I think it was because there was a whole crew of people from the NICU in there because she was coming before 37 weeks.  Finally, my doctor says she's going to check something and it's going to hurt.  Um.  Yeah. Understatement.  I'm pretty sure I almost kicked her at that point.  I wasn't fully dilated after all.  When they checked me the second time Miss S was pushing down so hard that my water bag was bulging.  After they broke it something happened and a forebag was created hiding the last bit of cervix that needed to disappear.  That actually bought me some time to have an epidural.  YEAH!

It was just enough to take the edge off.  I still feel the contractions (there would be no sleeping through labor like I did with Miss A) and I knew she would be making her grand appearance soon.  They told me to let them know if I felt like pushing or the pressure increased.  It wasn't long after the epidural was in that I told them that things were changing.  They said the doctor was called to emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy and would come as soon as she was done.  They moved me into a more upright position to help get Miss S into position.  So, while I wait for the doctor each time I feel contractions... I push (not very hard.)  The doctor came back about 2 hours after I got my epidural and said lets see how you are doing.  They check and we are a 100% go this time around.  I steady myself for a possible hour of pushing (which is what I did with Miss A) -- to my great surprise 5 pushes and out she came!  It was now 2:31 AM, December 10 -- 6 1/2 hours -- about half the length of my last labor.  Once again they could not put my little bundle on my chest because she, too, had a short cord like Miss A.  Odd.  Miss S let out a little cry and once Husband cut the cord they whisked her over to be evaluated.

It was a long time.  All was quiet over there.  A little too quiet.  I called over to Husband but I don't think he heard me.  Finally, a nurse came and told me that little Miss S was having a hard time breathing and they were taking her to the NICU.  They let me touch her and see her for about two minutes and they were gone.  Husband went with her.  I remember crying and telling Husband, "I'm sorry."  I was sorry I couldn't keep her in longer.  While I know now there was nothing I could do, in that moment it felt like my fault.  I should have been able to keep her safe inside a little bit longer.  Our other girls had been early and no problems.  I naively thought she would be fine, too.

When all was said and done I was able to go down to the NICU (A branch of Phoenix Children's NICU - one of the best - is located on the same floor as L & D in this hospital) for about 20 minutes to see Miss S before I had to check in my room and with the nurses there.  Thankfully, Husband had already shown me pictures of what she looked like otherwise I think I would have just lost it with all the wires and tubes attached to her.

Miss S had a CPAP machine on her to force air in her lungs and cause them to really open up.  Gosh she did not like that thing.  Nurses called her, "feisty."  She also has a small tube that went down into her stomach to pull out stuff that may accumulate there as a by product of the CPAP and give her small amounts of nourishment.  They also wanted to be able to tell if she was digesting things well (which she wasn't for awhile because she was working so hard on breathing.)  She had an IV that was giving her some medicine that she needed and other nourishment.  Then there were all the "normal" wires for any baby in the NICU that check heart rate, breathing, and oxygen saturation.  It was pretty intense for me and my baby was not the sickest baby in NICU.  I couldn't even being to imagine what other mama's were experiencing.

So, now began my days of working on getting my milk to come in to help nourish Miss S while she was in there and not allowed to work on sucking.  Too much for her system to process.  This seemed like a daunting task as well given my not so great history in overall milk production.  Trips down to the NICU.  Healing. Checking in with my nurses from time to time.  Rest. Miss S made great progress -- breathing, then eating, some jaundice curbed.  I was discharged from the hospital on Monday (an interesting balance between time with Miss L and Miss A and being at the hospital) and Miss S finally was able to come home on Thursday evening.

She's doing better and seems to be thriving.  We are adjusting to being a family of five and thanking the Lord foe each sweet blessing and the extravagant love He shows to us through each one.

More thoughts and side stories of the NICU in the coming days/weeks.

How To: Miss A's Owl Cake

Okay, so a few people have asked for a more step by step "tutorial" on how I made this cake.  Because I didn't take pictures for each step you will have to do your best to imagine.  If you have specific questions feel free to e-mail or comment.

Upfront, this is a small cake.  I used a 6-inch cake pan that I got at a craft store.  Yes, it's small.  I used a butter cream frosting and colored it as needed with Wilton cake colors -- far superior than regular food coloring.  Feel free to use whatever frosting you feel the need to use.  Butter cream warms up pretty fast and will lose it's ability to hold form as it warms up in the pastry bag you are piping with.  So, work quickly and take a break to refrigerate your frosting as needed.

• With my cake on a plate, I crumb coated the cake.  I need to look into what this really entails but my version was just adding a thin layer of white icing on the whole cake.  It gave me a nice clean surface to work on.
• Then I created the outline for the bird face in the crumb coat.  For the large part of the eye I used a glass tumbler from our cabinet.  For the black part of the eyes I used the alcohol measuring cup -- ahem -- you know it's small and it measures out a pour, etc.  Then I drew the rest out with a toothpick.  When I was satisfied with my template I put it in the freezer for about 15-20 minutes.
• While the cake was in the freezer I set aside some of the white frosting I made for the owl's eyes.  With the rest I colored to my desired blue color.  When the timer went off I pulled the cake from the freezer and iced the side and the smooth blue areas of the cake.  I have yet to master the technique of an ultra-smooth cake.  Someday.  It was satisfactory for me and gave the owl a little texture.  HA!  Back in he freezer.
• During this break I filled my pastry bag and pick my decorating tip.  For the life of me I don't remember which number I used.  Basically, just pick what kind of texture you want and go with it.  I let the frosting firm up a bit in the fridge and all was good to go when the timer went off.  I "stippled" in the feather area.  Freezer.
• Fill in the white of the eyes even though they are already white.  It covers the crumb coat and makes everything level.  I just used a medium sized piping tip (it's just round if you are wondering about that.)  Still working on my technique here.  Freezer.
• Make the back icing.  Fill in eyes and eyebrows.  I used a yellow cake gel I had on hand for the nose and filled that in pretty fast.  You can use the gel (it comes in primary colors in the baking section of your local grocery/market) or make some yellow frosting.  I didn't have yellow coloring so this was super handy.

That's basically it.  The freezing, for me, helped keep the shape of everything and prevented any of the colors from bleeding into each other.

If I missed something let me know and I will add that into this "tutorial."

Miss A's 1st Birthday!

ARGH!

I realized last night as I was posting what seemed like a gazillion photos to Flickr (with still many more to go from two other cameras!) I realized that I never posted about Miss A's birthday cake.  What?!?!?  Seriously, we are about a month and a half out from her birthday.  Where does the time go?

I found this owl cake on Pinterest and immediately fell in love with it.  I realized later I liked how "clean" it was which was created with fondant.  However, I have never really worked with fondant nor did I think that it would be ideal for a cake that a freshly minted one-year-old would tear into.  So, I opted to just adapt from there.

To be honest I almost scraped the whole idea and just go for decorating the cake like a cupcake.  Sigh.  I finally just sucked it up and went for it.  I like using butter cream frosting but it is not so stable when it warms up.  So, I went in stages with this cake and stuck it in the freezer for about 20 minutes between each step so the frosting would firm up.  I worked fast between steps so it wouldn't "melt."  It was a winner of a plan although it took some time.  However, I was pretty tired on this particular day so lots of little breaks were a welcome addition to the day.  Well, here's my final product.  I realized I should have crossed his eyes to maybe make him look a little less Angry Birds looking.  It was hit either way, even with my oldest, Miss L.  I have to also mention that I bought a special small cake pan for this project as I didn't think Miss A needed a regular sized cake all to herself.  Baking the cake took some extra care because there aren't standard guidelines for this sized cake.  I also did up cupcakes for the rest of the family.

I still would like to work on my cake decorating skills.  Maybe when the girls are older I can take a class.  Until then it will be my random dinking around with what I remember from almost 15 years ago when I had someone teaching me.  I used to be able to make lovely drop flowers and roses.  I am not sure I would know where to start anymore.  I think I will also try working with cream cheese frosting the next time around.  Delish and maybe a bit more sturdy (as in not so "melty") for sure.

Is it worth spending so much time on my cakes just so the girls can destroy them?  Totally.  The videos of my girls tearing into their first cakes are so worth every minute.  Plus, it's a fun little challenge.  However, I think for Miss L's third birthday coming up we may be ordering a cake from the bakery as I will be not too long from my due date and wow... that sounds like a lot of work.  We will see.  Oh yes... one more picture... the cake after Miss A was done with it...

Artichoke Chicken

On my birthday I made a pretty yummy meal for our family.  Husband had already taken me out for my birthday and this meal was pretty simple so don't feel too bad for me.  Plus, apparently my birthday is also National Artichoke Day.  (They have a day for everything these days.)  A couple of people have asked for it so I thought that I would post it here so I can keep track of it, too.

It's a Phase 1 qualified meal for those who are familiar with The South Beach Diet.  My husband loves artichokes so we cannot really go wrong with this one.

Artichoke Chicken


4 T extra virgin olive oil (EVOO)
4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, pounded to 1/2" thickness.
1 bag (approx. 16 oz) frozen small whole onions
1 can (13 3/4 oz) chicken broth or stock
1 T balsamic vinegar
Salt
Ground Black Pepper
1 package (approx. 10 oz) frozen artichoke hearts

Heat 2 T of EVOO in a large skillet over medium heat.  Add the chicken and cook for 10 minutes, tuning once, or until browned on both sides.  Remove chicken to large bowl.  Empty pan, carefully wipe down with paper towel.

Heat remaining 2 T oil in the skillet.  Add onions and cook, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes or until lightly browned.  return the chicken to the pan and add the chicken broth and vinegar, season with salt and pepper.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 20 minutes.  Add the artichoke hearts and cook for 10 minutes, or until the artichokes are tender and the meat registers a temperature of 170 (juices running clear).

** If you want to use fresh small onions or artichoke hearts this may be a place where it is not so cost effective.  Plus, I have yet to figure out on my own how to just get the heart of the artichoke.  A bag of hearts here was about $3 and you cannot buy enough fresh ones for that price.