These Days are Marked

These days are marked for me.

They are marked with sweet joy of celebrating advent that leads to Christmas celebrations. Birthdays for two of my girls.  Decorations I love. Family Traditions. Family...

This year they are also marked with incredible Heartache. Loss. Memories.

Around this time last year we were celebrating my youngest's first year of life while facing the fact that my dad was finishing his last.

It all takes my breath away like it just happened.  The days... good and bad... play in my mind.  The pictures are blurred by tears that I cannot stop.

I miss my papa.  Every. Day.  Some days are extremely difficult.  Others are not so bad.  Most probably think that I am doing okay.  For the most part I am don't get me wrong.  On a lot of days I just want to sit and cry.  I have three little ones that distract me and need me to keep going.  My two older ones will randomly talk about him when I least expect it.  On some occasions it makes me laugh or smile and on others I fight back tears or they spill out.

Some people ask about him or how I am doing. Most do not. It's awkward for some. It's okay.  It's true...life is but a vapor and the grass remembers us no more.

It has been strange to not ponder over what gift to buy him this year as he seemed to have all that he wanted. Or he would tell me that what was on his list was far too expensive which generally meant that it was some firearm he wanted. HA!

My gift to him last year was a CD of hymns (he was listening to it when he passed.) In all the years I had with him I don't remember him being quite as grateful as he was for this one.  I can still see him mouthing the words "thank you." to me.  Maybe I'll pull it out sometime... maybe

Indeed, these days are marked.  Marked by hope that came as a little baby under the cover of night.  Hope that grew to be a man of stature and character that would pay the ultimate sacrifice of dying on a cross for my sins.  Hope that rose from the dead.  Hope that promises the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. That Hope is Jesus.  A Hope that Papa has...a Hope that I have.  In this I find great comfort...yes... and joy. Even in my tears.

Mother's Day

I have been wanting to post this but am just getting around to it right now!  Husband had been working on a covert project with the girls for about a week out in the garage.  Finally, I got see the final product.  A sweet flower pot with the hand prints of both of my little girls!  So precious.  Each time that Miss L sees it she talks about Daddy putting her hand in paint and the Grandma helped, too.  Then she talks about how Miss A had paint on her hand.  Such a cute story.

I love that my husband did such a fun thing with them for Mother's Day.  Love.  LOVE.

Later in the morning we had a bit of an incident when, in short, Miss L fell, broke a dish, got cut, and created a bit of drama the rest of the morning.  It's a moment to laugh about now.  But it was part of Mother's Day just the same.  It's the first time that I have had a dish break since having kids.  I was hoping the streak would last.  HA!  So, we live, we learn, and move on.  Miss L was perfectly fine and full of energy and laughs when we returned from church.  However, she was quick to show people her "ouch."

I hope all the other mommas had a lovely, memorable day!

Deviled Eggs

I am not sure how many times on Sunday I heard, "Why do they call them deviled eggs?  Shouldn't they be saintly or angelic eggs?"  I am not sure that I ever heard these comments more than I did this year.  It wasn't just from family either.  Weird.  I guess it comes up because we tend to have them on Resurrection Day.  Does the same question apply if we roll them out for thee 4th of July or some other summer event?


Of course, I had to look up the how or why to this term and this is what I found:

Here's the history behind the the name. An Englishman by the name of William Underwood set up a small condiment business on Boston's Russia Wharf in 1822. It did pretty well both developing and selling new condiment products. Around 1868, Underwood's sons began experimenting with a new product created from ground ham blended with a mix of special seasonings. They introduced a product line of seasoned meat products including ham, turkey, chicken, lobster, and tongue. They called the seasoning process "deviling," and the Underwood "red devil" was born. 

Today many other foods, including eggs and crab, are served "deviled." To be considered deviled, a food has to have a kick from something like Dijon mustard, hot sauce, cayenne pepper or chopped hot peppers. 

Underwood's Deviling process holds U.S. Patent Office trademark NO. 82, granted in 1870, the oldest existing food trademark still in use in the United States. The exact"deviling" recipe remains a company secret to this day. (Answers.com)

Interesting.

I looked up several recipes and decided to go with whatever I had on hand in combination with what I read.  I think that I would change some things again next time but it's all a learning process in the end.  Everyone seemed to like them, especially Miss L.  I didn't think she would but we finally had to cut her off!

Here's what I had on hand and what I did.

18 hard boiled eggs
1 T Greek yogurt
3-4 T mayo (olive oil based)
2-3 t spicy brown mustard
2-3 t yellow mustard
2-3 sprigs fresh dill, chopped
1 t garlic powder (more or less as you like)
1 scallion, finely chopped or minced
paprika

Peel eggs, cut lengthwise, and remove egg yolk to medium sized bowl.  "Mush" egg yolks with a large fork until you have fairly uniformed crumbles

Add ingredients through scallion and mix throughly.  Add more of a wet ingredient to taste or if the mix is is still too dry.  Be careful of too much mustard as it can be a little watery.  Just go easy.

Pipe in filling using a pastry bag and tip of your choice.  Or you can fill in a corner of a zip-loc bag, snip the end and you have a make shift pastry bag

Dust with paprika.  Chill until ready to serve.

*** I used a disposable pastry bag and a #17 cake decorating tip.  Next time I will use a #18 (because it is slightly larger) or a #199 tip to allow for chunk of egg or onion to pass through a bit easier.  I had a few times where I had to work the clump out.  Still came out pretty and I found it far easier to pipe the filling in rather than scooping it back into the egg with a spoon.

I may try it next time with more yogurt, that is really all I had on hand!  HA!  I think the yogurt would be better over all than the mayo.  I may try some more fresh herbs next time.  I have read of some people adding cheese and bacon bits to the eggs, too.  But I like the fresher things for deviled eggs.

What do you like in your deviled eggs?  Or do you not like them at all?

Hot Cross Buns

Some time on Saturday afternoon Husband mentioned having Hot Cross Buns for Resurrection Day breakfast.  Being a wife who wants to make her husband happy I looked into what it would take to make these traditional bread rolls.  I found this particular recipe that utilizes the help of bread machine to make the dough.  I was all for it because I had some other things to tend to for the next day's festivities on top of two little girls to chase around the house.

I had some yeast and I took a gamble because the expiration date had passed.  I have done this before with a horrible outcome.  Husband, who apparently developed a nose for yeast in his brewing days, assured me that my yeast was fine.  Sure enough, it was.  However, I would recommend NOT using yeast that has gone beyond its expiration unless you are fully prepared to start all over again.  I was.  Thankfully, I did not have to go back to square one.

They were pretty yummy when we did quality control that night.  While not as good as fresh from the oven warmed up the next day was just fine.  I made the frosting and we just frost as we go to make them easier to warm up and eat.  Yum!

If you don't have dried milk you can also warm up some skim milk (or maybe other lowfat milk?) in place of the water.  If you do this, leave the water out and leave the dried milk out.  This is me clarifying :)

We left the dried fruit out because I am not such a fan but I am sure that you can do a variety of different combinations.  I might be up for dried cranberries.

I also learned to be very careful when doing an egg brush on bread.  If you get a little too carried away you will end up with cooked egg on the bottom of the pan.  Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but not fun to discover.  Just be prepared.

I think that I had been looking at recipes far too long by the time I got to the frosting because instead of 2 teaspoons of milk...I used tablespoons.  Yeah, that made for some nasty looking frosting.  So, don't make that mistake.  I made the frosting in a sandwich bag -- just mix it all up in there -- and snip a corner to pipe it all out.  Make more if you like more frosting.

Hot Cross Buns

3/4 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon instant powdered milk
1/4 cup white sugar
3/8 teaspoon salt (for the math challenged 1/8 t three times ;)  )
1 egg
1 egg white
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon active dry yeast
3/4 cup dried currants
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 egg yolk
2 tablespoons water
1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 teaspoons milk

Directions

1. Put warm water, butter, skim milk powder, 1/4 cup sugar, salt, egg, egg white, flour, and yeast in bread maker and start on dough program.
2. When 5 minutes of kneading are left, add currants and cinnamon. Leave in machine till double.
3. Punch down on floured surface, cover, and let rest 10 minutes.
4. Shape into 12 balls and place in a greased 9 x 12 inch pan. Cover and let rise in a warm place till double, about 35-40 minutes.
5. Mix egg yolk and 2 tablespoons water. Brush on balls.
6. Bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 20 minutes. Remove from pan immediately and cool on wire rack.
7. To make crosses: mix together confectioners' sugar, vanilla, and milk. Brush an X on each cooled bun.