Creating Space

School. Packing suitcases. Unpacking boxes. Meeting vendors to fix this or install that. Get this done so that can be finished. Run here. Run there.  Oh, do you really need lunch? Right now? Hurry, hurry.

Now, hear me when I say I am SO very thankful for these things to do. I am. They are good things, productive things, helpful things. But during this time of rush I am so very thankful for the timely reminder to stop. Reflect. Pray. Give thanks.

We didn't go to an Ash Wednesday service this year and that's okay. Nothing says that we have to have or attend these services. On the flip side nothing says that we can't. I find it a lovely addition to life in the rhythm of the church calendar. A reminder that God is in the business of death and resurrection.

I digress...

In the crazy of moving our Lenten wreath made its appearance on the kitchen counter. Creating space for it took work but it was intentional. It made me think of creating space in life and my heart to be filled by Jesus. He poured out His life for His people. Be filled. It was good to have this reminder. My girls squealed when I brought it out, "Easter is coming!" I didn't prompt them. I said nothing. It was good to have this reminder.

So, we pray. We talk. We read. We reflect on the ministry of Jesus. We give thanks.

We anticipate.

Reflections | 2015

Goodness.  Two posts in all of 2015.  All the same I still like to do my reflections post even if just for myself to look back on.  I always think that I will get back to blogging...but I don't.  While the desire is there I don't want to put so much pressure on myself.  I have other things that are far more important to put my full effort into.  There are some other things that I may post later that will have a 2015 date...things I want to remember.

If I had one word for 2015 it would be...CRAZY.  The things that happened this year were not things that I would have ever anticipated happening.  Maybe the better word would be TRUST.  Maybe both?  You tell me at the end of this post, okay? HA!

2015...

      ...started on a normal enough note as we had playdates and fun times with our friends, the Kellers, who are missionaries in Africa home on furlough.

     ...was just a mere two weeks into existence when our sweet neighbor, Janeen, passed away quite unexpectedly upon returning home from a successful heart surgery. Our little cul-de-sac was in shock. We rallied around her friends and family to help with the mourning process.  More on that later.

     ...was the year Husband and I went to see Jim Gaffigan in person at a venue in Scottsdale.  I laughed until I cried.  No really. So funny. Hot Pockets. (If  you know him, you laughed)

    ...marked another year of getting to know our neighbors even more.  Janeen (mentioned above) always had a HUGE St. Patrick's day gathering at her home.  It truly was her favorite holiday.  So, along with a couple of other neighbors, we organized a HUGE party in our cul-de-sac to honor Janeen's memory.  About 250 people (some even from across the country!) showed up to raise a parting glass, release some balloons, and remember their friend.  We had fun and we were so blessed that we could enter into people's lives during their grief.

     ...was a year that reminded me how fast things change.  Four days after the above party and two days after my birthday I experienced the craziest things ever.  I couldn't speak.  No words would come.  Husband called 911.  The fire department came.  I went to the hospital (not in an ambulance) and it was finally determined that I had a mini stroke.  More on that later.

     ...had it's share of fun times as almost all of the Illinois contingent of Husband's family was in town to visit.  Little cousins having fun was probably the best part of it all.

     ...was a year I could cross off one of my big goals.  I completed a 5k!  I didn't run the whole thing and it was actually a little more than a 5K (3 miles) as it was the Pat's Run in Tempe, AZ that is 4.2 miles.  I finished in about an hour.  Husband finished well before me in about 30 minutes! (And yes, this was AFTER my mini-stroke)

     ...was the year that my girls discovered they like to hike.  We hiked some in Seattle in 2014 and they loved it.  So we took them to Sedona and what we thought was going to be a one mile trek turned into three and it was...AWESOME.  No complaining and they just kept going.  They were worn out after and promptly fell asleep in the car but they loved it.

     ...was the year that I watched friends who had longed for children have babies placed in their arms and had the most remarkable stories to tell.  They were truly labors of love and my heart is bigger for being blessed to know them.

     ...was the year that I learned to make jam.

     ...was the year that the girls and I experienced our first vacation bible study (VBS) at our church.  I never went as a kid but I got to be a tribe leader this summer.  Miss L and Miss A were in different tribes while Miss S was in the nursery tribe.  All had a blast and I am so glad that I bought the music for the week because even now they STILL love to sing along.

     ...revealed that I had a hole in my heart.  Yep, that's what the culprit was in my mini-stroke experience.  I had heart surgery to close it up and spent the rest of the year on a medication that caused some crazy bruising on my body.  At the end of the year I had a final test done and IT CLOSED.  The device sat nicely on the heart wall and all was good.  My cardiologist said I could promptly forget that I ever knew him.  Uhhh... yeah, that will be hard to do. HA!

     ...meant we started yet another year of home schooling the girls.  Miss L started 2nd grade and Miss A started kindergarten.  Miss S working on playing and being goofy and sometimes get a game on the iPad. While we have hard days there is nothing that I would rather be doing than teaching my girls.

     ...was the year Husband accepted a new job in Texas.  So we moved the same week that two of our girls had birthdays.  It was crazy. It was difficult. It was fun.  We went on the adventure that came to us and we have seen God's hand over the whole process.  We are so thankful for His provision, protection, and His peace.

     ...was the year our girls became road trip pros. We were thankful for the invention of portable DVD players. The break was sometimes needed for all.

     ...was the year that Husband and I lost 40 pounds...each.  I will say that I have put some back on since our move.  I'll work hard to correct that in due time as I had an extra 20 I wanted to lose anyway. Here's to knowing that it can be done!  It was so worth it!

     ...ended a bit like the beginning. On December 30, we got news that Husband's grandfather (lovingly called Grandpa Great by our girls) had passed the night before (December 29) at the age of 96.  He left behind his sweet wife of 74 and a half years.  The only person he loved longer than her was Jesus. We are thankful for his devotion and love for our Savior.  We will miss him and the joy he brought to so many.

Well, there you have it.  Reflection on the 2015.  Unfortunately, we start 2016 with a funeral but we also have many other adventures that lay ahead and we are ready to see what the Lord has for us.

Blessings to you and yours this new year!

Reflections | 2014

     While many were glad to be rid of 2014 I found myself thankful for a year of healing and moving forward and basically peace.  Now, all those words have different meanings to different people.  But I would say those words for this last year.  I was thankful for an ordinary year.  Let's me be perfectly clear there were bumps, and shoves, and things that I wished we didn't have to deal with.  However, they weren't significantly life changing and in comparison to things that happened in recent past they were relatively small.  In comparison to things that many of our friends and family have endured they were merely blips on the radar.  Ordinary.  I am SO thankful for ordinary...not dull or boring...but ordinary.

2014...

...was the year we got to know our neighbors.  After about five years in this house we finally know the people that live around us.  Not just, "Hey, good to see you" know them but enough that some of them are letting us really enter into their lives with them.  We have walked through divorce, death of a parent, cancer, and more.  One has even come to a new faith in Jesus and we are hoping to be a further encouragement to them.  It's been a good year in this regard especially in a time when many just drive in their garages, close the door, and never know the people that live next door.

...was the year that we changed churches not once, but twice.  One we left on good terms and the other closed its doors.  We are not church hoppers and this situation completely drives us all bananas. We have landed in a place that seems to be a good fit for us now, while not perfect (no church is), we can be happy and bloom where we are planted.  This situation would be what I would consider a "shove" that I would prefer not to deal with.  But we must press on.

...Miss L started 1st grade and learned to read.  She made tremendous strides in her reading during our Christmas break.  More on that in another post.

...We went on vacation to Seattle for the first time since I was pregnant with Miss L.  We had such a good time there as a family.  Miss L is convinced that we should move there.  So much so that she prays for it every. night.

...was the year that we plugged in with other homeschooling families with children in the same age range as our children.  It has been fun to adventure out and learn together about variety of things. New friends with different backgrounds.  Um, no... I am not worried about socialization.  My kids will start up a conversation with just about anyone.

...was the year that we saw the end of the diaper stage in our home.  Miss S potty trained (quickly) in June and we have never looked back.  It's a new freedom and a little sad sometimes, too.  Although the toilet paper consumption has gone up exponentially, it's still cheaper than diapers.

...was the first year that I intentionally read the bible from cover to cover.  I'm sad that it was not anything that I ever did while I was in full time ministry. Sure, I studied most of the bible but I am not confident that I had read the WHOLE of the bible.  It will become a yearly endeavor from here on out.  Such a fruitful thing to do.

See? A pretty ordinary year... love it.

Toothfairy

Back in September Miss L lost her first tooth.  Miss L was playing with some plastic bracelet and put it in her mouth like a dog.  She got up to go do something in the bathroom when she tasted something, looked in the mirror, and blurted out her tooth was gone.  But she didn't know where the tooth was!  She was SO excited and SO scared all at the same time.  It was not what she thought losing a tooth would feel like.  Apparently Mom and Dad forgot to mention that there might be some blood.  Whoops!  Anyway, I retraced some footsteps and found her tooth in the living room where she had been playing.  YAY, Mom!  While we don't play the Santa "game" we have decided to play the Tooth Fairy game -- still not sure how I feel about it but whatever. She got $5 for the first lost tooth.

A week later, to the day, she lost her second tooth.

Not such a great story.  We had just finished swim lessons for the evening and as per tradition for this particular summer of lessons we head to Chick-fil-a for dinner as a family... grandparents, too.  Miss L traded in her toy from the kids meal for an ice cream cone.  She had been working on it for a bit and decided to share with Daddy.  I suddenly pulled the cone away from Husband because something looked funny.  Sure enough once I got the cone closer for inspection and then looked at Miss L she had lost the tooth!  Unfortunately, it was no where to be found. (I think she swallowed it) Even our favorite CFA employee pulled out a flashlight (on his smartphone) and helped us look all around under the table and booth. Nothing.  Miss L was devastated.  She wondered how the tooth fairy would find her.  We told her that Daddy had a special number to call.  Also, we had just read a Curious George book that talked about how lights would light up on firefighters maps (back in the day) from where the call came from or where the fire was. I told her that when a child loses a tooth the tooth fairy gets a message about a tooth being gone, etc.  The tooth fairy made her appearance and left her two gold dollar coins.  A little extra for the trauma.

Later we found out that Miss L had to have two teeth removed to help with the crowding issue in her mouth.  While it won't fix her orthodontic issues by any means it did help it a little.  Miss L received two 50-cent pieces for her teeth.

All of this reminds be of the great lengths in which my own dad did the tooth fairy (and Santa). While we don't want to go to such extremes with our kids it did bring me some happy memories.  My dad would have the ladies in the office at his work pen well thought out letters from the tooth fairy as I left her questions about her age and other such things that young minds inquire about.  But I also remember that I was usually left random denomination of money.  Things like the $2 bill, one dollar coins, 50-cent pieces.  I think that also helped me save the money, too.  They were so unique that I didn't want to spend them.  So, while the extravagant stories will not continue on with our children I think that the rare denominations of money will.  Although, we know that the $5 is not rare we just wanted the first to be fun and special.

First Day of School

With the advent of Pinterest there are more than enough ideas on how to capture a child's first day of school no matter the grade.  I think I had grand imaginations of doing something sweet and memorable...but it didn't quite happen.  You see we started school the day after we returned from a short family vacation to Colorado.  I hesitated in putting the start of school there but I did it just the same.  I'll probably not do that again.  While the day went off without a hitch I was kind of stressed the night before.  The stress was in vain but there was more I needed wanted to do but did not.  I made a super simple sign on our white board  that said "First day of 1st" grade and set out all of her books and supplies in front of it.

But what happened next erased all thoughts of "it's just not enough"...

I had mostly forgotten that I had the sign on the table as I proceeded with the morning responsibilities of breakfast when all of a sudden I found myself wrapped up tightly in Miss L's arms.  I asked her what that was for and she pulled me to the table and excitedly giggled that it was the first day of 1st grade!  She was just excited to start school again.  Apparently our six week break was more than enough for her.

While we took pictures for the sake of prosperity they were not fancy.  It's not what she'll remember.  She'll remember the adventure of learning with her mom.  I hope she's that excited every year for school.  But more than anything I hope that she's that excited about learning for the rest of her life.

Cherished Conversations | Kindness from Wisdom

Today, when compared to other days, was an odd day for us.

We woke up much earlier than normal and took Daddy to the airport.  Saying good-bye is always hard but for Miss L it is the most difficult.  She's sensitive and she is so very attached to her daddy.  It's hard when he is gone even just for a few days.  It takes her awhile to recover.

We eat breakfast later than normal on these early morning adventures to the airport because we come back to a bagel shop near our house which is a treat for the girls and a good distraction.

As we were talking, laughing, and eating an older gentleman entered the door behind us.  I noticed Miss S wave to someone as did Miss A.  The gentleman came over and and said, "It's so nice when young ones want to engage with people rather than hide behind mama."  Let me clarify, my girls have those "hide behind mama" moments often but today they were feeling especially social.  He talked to each one of the girls and even listened to Miss S as she babbled a few coherent words and then a whole bunch of nonsense even though it was quite apparent it all made perfect sense to her.

Next, Miss L dove in and told him all about school and how she is finishing kindergarten and looking forward to first grade.  He made some comment to her that didn't quite apply to our homeschool environment (I don't remember what it was) and Miss L just said, "Oh, I'm homeschooled."  Without missing a beat or looking shocked he said, "Well, you'll probably get a better education that way!" and continued to talk to the girls about school and a whole host of other things.

I was floored.  I was NOT expecting that response at all.  BUT I was thankful for it.  People generally look at me like I have horns growing out of my head when I tell them we homeschool.  Others have a few curious questions and move on.  Few have ever had this kind of response unless they homeschool as well.

He was a kind man.  His kindness had an impact not only on my children but also on me.  I'm not trying to put down public schools but trying to remember the kindness of people that the Lord places in my path because it is easy to focus on the harsh words from people... I want to remember the kind words, too.

So, thank you, dear gentleman... you made this mama's hard morning a little easier.

Reflections | 2013

I have been meaning to reflect on 2013 for the past 29 days.  It seems the thing to do in the world of blogs. 2013 was quite a strange year -- I should have also reflected on 2012 last year but was in such shock in the last month of 2012 and the first few months of 2013 that it wasn't going to happen.  But I can look back on things now with different eyes.

2013...

...was the year I had to learn to walk through life without my dad.  For 34 years he was my greatest fan.  For many of those years he was my sole companion and best friend.  2013 rang in just as I came home from his hospice center where the funeral home had just picked up his body.  Fireworks were going off all around me.  It was a brutal reminder that life was moving on without him.  Time did not stop.  The world was not in shock or weeping with me.  I didn't expect of all that to happen.  Oh, but I really wanted that to happen.

...was the year that I learned to plan a funeral.  And that you can fire the people you are working with.

...was the year that I saw my husband live out an aspect of our vows (for better or for worse) in a very tangible way.  I never doubted that he would but this is where I saw love pour forth from a man who already shows me an abundance of love that I do not deserve.  I had no idea what I was doing nor did I really want to do anything.  He waded through bureaucratic red tape and whatnot.  You know, all the stuff that comes from a parent who had three government pensions and an outdated will.  Sigh.  He is my knight in shining armor.  He tackled it all without flinching or even being asked.  He just did it knowing I was struggling to even get up and feed our family.

...was the year that we sold not one but two houses.  My dad's house which took five days to sell and our rental house which took...much, much longer.

...was the year that we started our homeschooling journey.  Miss L started kindergarten.  It has been an amazing journey and just like I loved being there for her baby milestones I love that I get to be a part of these milestones as well.  Sure there are days that I want to pull my hair out.  But more often than not we have a good time.

...was the year that I started running.  I wanted to lose the baby weight that has accumulated.  Instead I broke my leg and was diagnosed with osteopenia.

...was the year that we lived in a hotel in San Diego from mid-September until the end of January 2014.  It has been an adventure for sure.

...was the year that we took our girls to Disneyland for the first time.  It was amazing!  One of my favorite memories for sure.  It was in part thanks to bad weather and our cousins Lindsay and Emily, too.

...was the year that I had actual physical health issues once we entered the one year time period since my dad got sick.  Breathing issues that warranted a trip to the ER among other things.  They started just after Thanksgiving which was when my dad was first admitted into the hospital  Oddly enough, all subsided after the new year passed.

...was the year that I learned that I still love to read.  It's a beautiful thing and I am sad that I lost so much time with so many good books.  I am also thankful that I am surrounded by such well read people.  From the end of August until the end of the year I read 23 books of varying genres, topics, and of course length.

The year had highs and lows... as do all years.  Some things this past year were more significant than others. We had our normal vacations and fun.  My family always makes me laugh and we love being together.  At the end of the year, whether it was particularly hard or we seem to breeze through in our ordinary lives, I know that I am extraordinarily blessed.

Nature Walks

Miss A's Collection

 So, it's hot in Phoenix during the summer.  Right.  Everyone knows that.  You would know then that getting the motivation to go for a fun little walk to explore is utterly...impossible.

However, the last two months or so here in San Diego has afforded us the opportunity to still go on walks around our hotel and other places in the city.  I never realized until this time how much Miss A loves to be outside exploring and looking at every little thing.  She has sharp eyes and finds the oddest things.  Sticks, pine cones, snail shells, acorns, berries, etc.  She loves it.  I also noticed if she is having a hard day if you give her about fifteen minutes to walk around outside, run, and explore she is a much happier person.  Miss L could go either way and she is too finicky to start picking everything up.  It's funny to see their personality differences coming out more.

I recently posted this on Facebook:

"Abby is my outdoor explorer. Today's short expedition yielded acorns to add to her collection of pine cones, snail shells, and leaves."

A friend (Mr. Y) then posted later, "I knew a guy like that..."  Here he was referring to my dad, Miss A's Grandpa T.  I replied, "...maybe that would explain their special bond..."  To which he said, "Amen."

The next morning Miss A was playing with some linking cubes that we use for math.  She put them together and told her daddy, "I'm going out to shoot some birds!"  Yes, a deep bond indeed.  My husband and I just looked at each other in light of previous conversations about Miss A and my dad and busted up laughing. (For those that don't know my dad he was an AVID hunter all of his days.  Even if he didn't get anything he would just say, "Well, I just took my rifle out for a walk.")

Needless to say, I need to work on getting us all out of the house more to places where we can all explore and pick up rocks.  Thankfully, the winter in Phoenix is a perfect time to be doing this.

Today he would have been 73...

I probably won't write something every birthday that rolls around.  But it's the first one.  It seems significant.  At this point last year we had no idea that Papa was sick.  He was in a little pain but we chalked it up to his recent back surgery that was taking longer to recover from than we thought it would.  Over this weekend last year we took the girls to a pumpkin patch north of our home a bit. My dad told   Its to go and have fun and that we would celebrate when we all got home.  I think he secretly wanted the house to himself for a couple of days because he knew that we would be spending the night up north, too.

This year I am missing him.  He used to want to ignore his birthday but I didn't.  I love birthdays.  I don't go all out but I like doing at least something.  This year we mark the day in our hearts, tears are shed, and we take another step forward.

Miss A and I went out to his grave last week to put some flowers. Fall, I think, was his favorite season.  Mostly because it then signified in his mind hunting season.  Because really, let's face it, that was his favorite season. HA!  Miss A helped me clear off his marker and while I cried she was quiet and as we left she just held my hand.  Then in her innocence she asked if she could pick some flowers.  I asked her where she wanted to pick flowers.  She pointed at all the other markers with flowers. It helped to lighten the mood.  Miss A and my dad had a special bond.  Little things that she still remembers that he would do for her at the breakfast table.  When my dad was in hospice she would climb up on his bed and cuddle with him.

Cherished Conversations

I never know what will set off a certain line of questioning from my children.  Especially with Miss L.  She is so inquisitive and soaking things up like a sponge.  I am alway so surprised by what she remembers and in what detail.  Here is a conversation we had today right after finishing our school work for the day.

"Mama, can you show me a picture of YOUR grandma and grandpa?"

"Sure, when we get back to Phoenix I will show you a picture of my grandma and grandpa."

"Are they old or young?"

"Well, they were kind of old when they died.  They are gone now like Grandpa Tash is gone."

"Oh.  When did they die?"

"My grandpa died a long time before you were born.  Even before your daddy and I got married.  But my grandma, you got to meet her when you were really little.  And then when she died you went with me to her funeral.  Although, you wouldn't remember that."

"Oh, I remember."

"You do?!"

"Yep, I remember in my heart."

So, there I was choking back tears and off she went to the next thing.  Ugh.  These kids are hard on the heart sometimes... in the best possible way.

Hotel Memories

Obviously things happen for a reason and in just the right season.  My husband has been assigned to work in California for some undetermined amount of time and we are fortunate enough to be here together as a family.  As my husband had been working out here prior to all of us joining him he found a hotel just across the street from his work site.  He told me later that he was pretty sure it was the place we had stayed with my dad when we all went to California in 2009.  Our minds stretched for that trip... we have had two more babies since then... enough said.  The mind and its memories blur.

However, as soon as we pulled off the highway onto our street the memories came flooding back.  There stood the Olive Garden that we had managed a meal with a nine-month-old Miss L.  She made a mess and I am sure she had a fit.  Maybe she had done okay.  I just remember the mess.  The hotel itself was hard to remember... that is until I stepped out back to see Matt and the two older girls swimming.  I had to steady myself and keep composure.  Memories flooded back.  We had taken Miss L swimming a couple of times in the pool here after botched attempts at the beach with a baby.  My dad never got in but he watched, took pictures, and wrapped Baby L up in a towel and kept her warm.  I could see the picture in my minds eye... and I found it... the picture above.

We came out here Labor Day weekend of 2009.  My dad had just moved from New Mexico to Arizona and was living with us for a time until he found his own place.  We persuaded him out come to California with us.  An adventure because California was never on his list of top places to vacation.  We had fun... and we learned a lot about travelling on Labor Day Weekend or just travelling with a little one in general.

It's hard to think that then we only had three more years left with him.  But they were good years.  I am thankful that the Lord brought us here at this time to let me remember these things.  And today I swam in that same pool with Miss L who can now basically swim on her own... and her two sisters.  I could almost see my dad standing in the same spot laughing and shaking his head at the antics of my girls.

Thank you, Jesus, for this time right now.

Not Missing Grandpa

This evening Husband and I were having a conversation at the dinner table and my papa came up in conversation.  Tears rolled down my face and I had to explain to the girls that I was not upset but the tears were because I missed Grandpa T.  More tears came and Miss A exclaims, "Your eyes are dripping!"  We all laughed.

I then asked Miss L if she missed Grandpa T and she said very simply, "No."  I told her that was okay.  But what she said next grabbed me...

"I can see his face.  And he called me on my hand phone yesterday.  But I was busy and couldn't answer it."

She doesn't miss him because in some way she has created her own connection back to him.

Later Miss A prayed on her own thanking Jesus that Grandpa T was with him and that he felt all better now.

I miss my dad very much.  The reality of what each day for the rest of this marks in relation to last year is painful.  Most days I am doing really well and other days the emotions hit me like a truck.  But I still want to remember these little things.

Proud Mama | Church & Peers

While it's never good that a child is disobedient there is a process of training.  This last Sunday we got to see a glimpse into what is happening in Miss L's heart.

Miss L and her sister lost the privilege to go to the playground at church (they call it the "park") because their behavior was not, shall we say, sweet.  We understand their ages and have grace for that but this was a bit nutty.  We were staying later at church this particular Sunday for a meeting so off the two older ones went to a catechism class.  At the end of their class Miss L came to find me with tears in her eyes asking if she could now go to the playground.  Being Mom I wanted to find out the root of her tears.  She first said nothing and couldn't quite verbalize all that was going on.  I found her teachers and this is what they told me,

"She did really well in class and had no problems.  When we let the other kids out she just watched them and started to cry.  We thought maybe she had hurt herself but she just said she needed to go ask her mom."

I held back the tears.

She knew and she obeyed.

Sweet Miss L knew she was not supposed to go to the playground.  At just over four and a half years old she resisted the urge as she saw ALL the other kids run outside and start playing.  She came to find us to ask permission if she could now join her friends.  We praised her for making a good decision and for coming to ask us first... and of course for doing well in class.

We let her go play... And Miss A, too.

I think Miss L somehow had held Miss A back.  What a good big sister.  I was so, so proud of Miss L on this day.

I write this not to boast but to remember the glimpses of my girls "getting it."  I write mostly for us.  But be encouraged... the seeds you sow will start to grow.  It's beautiful.

Bedtime Prayers

During bedtime prayers each girl takes a turn praying for whatever they feel led to pray for and it's also a time of thankfulness.  For the last several months Miss A has diligently given thanks for Grandpa T (my dad) -- many times that is all she would say.  Tonight was the first time that she didn't do that.  I knew it would come but I didn't think it would be as sad as it is.  She may pick it up again but she may not.  I know that Miss L is probably the only one who will remember him but who knows.  I hope that they will always know how much my dad loved them and what joy they all brought to him.

Miss A used to always crawl up into Grandpa T's lap even before he was sick.  She did it without prompting the few times that we took them to see him while he was in hospice.  She would talk about how she laid with Grandpa while he was sick.  Sweet girl.

Sunsets

It's been quiet around here, I know.  Most who follow this blog know that my life was turned upside down with the sudden cancer diagnosis of my dad in December and then his passing away on New Year's Eve.  Usually, writing is very theraputic for me.  While there have been times that I want to write part of me doesn't want to have to "deal."  However, last night I realized that there are things that are happening that I want to remember and cherish.  I have to just deal with the emotions that come and that's okay.  Plus, I remember how much my dad liked reading whatever I wrote.  Even if it was a recipe he never really cared to try. :)

So, this was my moment I wanted to cherish...

Miss L has always found sunsets to be simply amazing.  Beautiful. Fantastic. Wow.  In general, she is enthralled with them.  I have always been the same way.  I think I got it from my dad.  It was one of his favorite parts of the day.  The other would be sunrise in his hunting camp. (ha!)  I grew up in New Mexico which has some of the most beautiful sunsets.  Arizona does a pretty good job, too.  I cannot complain. I didn't realize the rush of life or lack of sunsets until one day (a long time ago) Miss L blurted out how beautiful it was with no prompting from anyone... ever.  I almost cried.  Granted, we are not usually out much in the evening for our little ones to see the sunset I was just in awe at her own observation of the beauty of God's creation.  I always ask her who made it... she knows the answer is God.  Smart girl.

Last night as we were leaving my in law's home the sunset was awesome.  That word is so overused but it was, indeed, awesome.  Miss L immediately let out her words of jubilation at the colors and light dancing in the sky.  It  WAS beautiful.  I thought of my dad and I told Miss L how much her Grandpa T loved sunsets. That made her smile.  It was good for my soul.  I want to remember this.

Of course, I didn't take a picture.  Of course.  However, I remember a long time ago giving up on trying to take pictures of sunsets because a picture never did it justice.  Maybe I will just have to take a photo next time anyway.

Hickory Make Over

So, our mischievous mouse, Hickory, had to get a make over.  Seems like a little three year old was getting ideas and started making mischief around the house.

Now, Hickory stories go something more like this...

Once upon a time there was a little mouse named Hickory who liked to help Momma and Daddy around the house.  One day, Hickory helped Momma put the silverware away.

or...

...make the beds.
...pick up all the toys.
...do the laundry.
...mix the eggs.

It helped.

More on Hickory

...he put the grapes in the oven. (L) As I was trying to leave.
...he put the grapes in the potty. (L)
...he put the avocados in the fireplace (Daddy)
...he put the apricots in the pool (Mama)
...he put the avocados all over your shirt (L)
...he put the strawberries all over the house.  So now we have to paint it. (L)

Who is Hickory?

Meal Ministry

If you have never needed the blessings of a ministry through meals I say two things... a) blessings to you and b) boy, are you missing out!

However, I will have to say accepting meals from people can be a very difficult thing.  I remember while I was still single and living on my own I had been pretty sick.  A friend that lived two apartments down for me offered to make a meal for me.  In my pride, I thanked her but turned her down knowing full well that I would probably have to go pick something up somewhere because I was not up to cooking for myself.  I met with my mentor very briefly that afternoon and she basically told me that I needed to let people be generous and let them serve.  She challenged me to go back to this friend and accept the meal.  Talk about a killing of pride.  It was a good lesson.  I was blessed by my friend being so gracious and generous.  Plus, I ate a really good meal!

Fast forward to 2008 when Miss L arrived early in December of that year.  Our church at the time blessed us with an abundance of meals even though we lived almost an hour away from where most people lived.  They got creative and it was a blessing for sure.  When Miss A arrived in 2010 we were in a bit of transition but sweet friends put together meals and we were well taken care of during that time.  When Miss S arrived our church really stepped it up a notch with the meals because we were running back and forth to the hospital with her in the NICU.  And even just this week with Miss S in the hospital I find my fridge full of food because of the abundant generosity of the people around us.

However, it is a dying to self to ask for help... to ask for meals... to ask for help cleaning your home...to ask.    Why is it so hard for us to ask?  A former pastor once told me to not ask for help is denying someone the opportunity to learn how to serve others. (He said it much more elegantly)  It was a profound thought.  We don't know how to serve the body of Christ (or others) because people are too prideful to ask or they think that people are not able or will not help.  The fact is that people are willing to help.  Cheerfully!  More than one could probably ever imagine at that.

All of this came flooding back when Pastor H was visiting us in the hospital and asked if the church family could do anything else for us.  I was tempted to just suck it up and figure it out.  But there was an offer of help and this was the area I needed the most help (because grandparents were taking care of kids during the day) all I had to do was...ask...

So, I did.  Boy, were we blessed!

Needless to say, I won't be posting a meal plan this week because we have so much food left over and I still have a couple of from last week that will carry over to this week.

I encourage you to ASK for help when you need it.  When a baby comes... when a loved one passes... surgery...people are willing wanting to help.  While we as a body also need to be on the look out for areas to help people we also need to die to self and kill our pride and ask for help, too.

A Job By Any Other Name

Much of the world would agree that being a housekeeper is acceptable as long as you are not caring for your own home; treating men with attentive devotion would also be right as long as the man is the boss in an office and not your husband; caring for children would even be deemed heroic service for which presidential awards could be given as long as the children are someone else's and not your own.

(from Feminine Appeal, p. 102 - original source Dorothy Patterson, Where's Mom? p.21)

A friend posted this quote on Facebook awhile back and reminded me that we had read this in a book study a couple of years ago.  I pulled the book off the shelf and as I looked through my notes it made me want to read the book again.  Feminine Appeal outlines seven virtues of being a wife and mother.  It was an encouraging and convicting book in many areas.

However, what I like most is how Mahaney encourages women to battle and swat down the vicious lie that the world tells us in that staying home with our children is somehow an underachievement.  As though the world has any place to spew such hogwash.  Yes, it was hard getting used to putting homemaker in the occupation line on a plethora of medical forms.  What would they think?  That was my problem.  Worrying about what other people thought.  I wasn't too concerned about what my God thought.  I was questioning this role that He had clearly called me to fulfill.

I have not arrived in all areas of my new job.  I have been at this whole stay at home thing for almost six years now and it is by far the hardest job that I have ever undertaken.  I find a new joy in it each day with my girls.  I love loving my husband even when I fail miserably.  He is my best friend.  I find more and more that there are women who would love to be in my shoes.  They want to stay home but for whatever reason cannot. I have at least come from worry and anxiety when I fill in the occupation line to sheer joy and smiles when I write homemaker.  I don't need to write domestic engineer or any other silly moniker.  No, I am the keeper and maker of my home and I'm okay with that.

The sad thing is that the above quote is deeply true in society.  Sigh.  It's a sad state of affairs.  So, if you are a stay at home mom or wife... press on, dear one, in the work that the Lord has called you and throw to the side the clanging of society saying that you are not contributing to society or you are somehow an underachiever.  You are the strength of the next generation contributing in ways that are enormous but most will never see nor even remotely think to give a nod for a presidential award.

Longfellow

Stay, stay at home, my heart, and rest;

Home-keeping hearts are happiest,
For those that wander they know not where
Are full of trouble and full of care;
To stay at home is best.

Weary and homesick and distressed,
They wander east, they wander west,
And are baffled and beaten and blown about
By the winds of the wilderness of doubt;
To stay at home is best.

Then stay at home, my heart, and rest;
The bird is safest in its nest;
O’er all that flutter their wings and fly
A hawk is hovering in the sky;
To stay at home is best.


Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)